Think of the people, in your life, who treat you with love and respect. You feel secure comfortable around them. You never have to worry that what you do, what you say will set them off. You don’t feel anxious or stressed out when you have plans to see them. You feel uplifted by their presence in your life, not exhausted from having to defend yourself to them. You are free to be yourself because you know they accept you for the person you are.
Because of those healthy relationships that you have with family and friends, you have a good measure of how you expect people to treat you. Whomever chooses to treat you differently, disrespectfully, abusively does not deserve to be in your life.
Nothing you do warrants poor treatment. You don’t have to question your character or accept blame. You don’t have to “try to do better.” You don’t have to change who you are or what you naturally do to stop making someone angry. You are not stupid, too sensitive, unreasonable, illogical, idiotic, moronic, a bitch, repulsive, incapable, inadequate, incompetent, irrational, insane, mentally ill or anything else you’ve been told you are.
You don’t “make” someone abusive. You don’t “make” someone raise their voice, hand or fist to you. You don’t provoke their hateful, cruel barbs. Things wouldn’t be better “if only you would act right.” You aren’t imagining what’s happening to you.
You know what it’s like to feel loved and respected.
Hold everyone in your life to that high standard.