I want you to read this and really take note of what I’m about to tell you as if your life depends on it. Because it does.
I care about you. I don’t want to see you suffer. I know you deserve better than what you’re getting, even if you don’t believe it. I have felt everything you’re feeling. I know what you’re thinking. I experienced what you experience every day. I get you. I am your sister, in that respect, and sisters look out for each other. I am telling you this because I want you to realize that you do not deserve to be treated the way he treats you. You are worthy, beautiful, intelligent, capable.
Even HE knows it, despite telling you differently. He knows you’re capable of existing without him, but he has convinced you otherwise because he wants to keep you where he has you ~ within the tight, oppressive grip of his power. He does not love you because, if he did, he would not feel the need to beat you down to keep you. He would realize that respect, love, support and appreciation, not force, is what strengthens a bond between two people.
Consider your reasons for staying very carefully. A healthy relationship is about both people having the desire to stay together, sharing good times, supporting each other through bad times. Are you with him because you want to be? Or because you have to be because you would fear for your life if you left? Love and companionship must not be taken by force. Your role in your relationship must not be lesser than his. One person cannot assume control over the other, in any aspect.
You are not better off with him than you would be without him. You should not choose a toxic relationship over being healthy alone. You may feel love for him, but what you have to understand is that love isn’t supposed to hurt. You must not endure any aspect of pain just to be with someone because you deserve better. I want you to realize that, unless he wants to change, things won’t get better. You may find that things get worse if the abuse escalates. Much worse.
I know leaving seems daunting. I know that you have started to believe all the insults and criticism, but what you have to remember is that they’re all lies designed to make you feel less than human. He tells those lies to keep up the illusion of “safety” and that he only wants to “help” you. Understand that he is not helping you. He has to create that illusion to make you think there’s nothing worth leaving him for. But there is…a life of independence where YOU get to decide what happens to you. There is a life of freedom from the fear of what might happen if you say or do the “wrong” thing. There is a life built upon your empowerment and inner strength.
Take your power back. It belongs to you.
As always, we’re here to help.