Real Value

Think about the typical abusive dynamic.

The abuser makes the victim feel worthless. That is the ultimate goal because the abuser knows that, as long as the victim feels worthless, she will stay. The abuser wants to create an illusion, instilling fear in the victim. If she goes, she will “lose everything”. She will honestly believe that she cannot survive without him, that nobody else will want her, that she will have nothing if she leaves.

I’m here to set that record straight by shattering that illusion. If you’re reading this and you believe that you have everything to lose by leaving, I’m talking to YOU. I’m going to tell you the truth about you and your abuser.

Your abuser is insecure. Even more so than you. He is afraid of losing YOU, and rightfully so. Remember, he has created the illusion that you would be losing a lot but the truth is, you will be losing nothing.

You are kind, caring and you know that a relationship should be based on mutual love, respect, kindness, nurturing. You do everything (and more!) to make him happy and keep the peace, always trying your best to make your relationship the best it can be. You cater to his every whim because you think it’ll make a difference in the way he treats you. You’re stronger than you realize because, although you feel shattered, you still function and you manage to get things done. You existed successfully before him and you can again, despite what he says.

He is not a kind, nor is he capable of loving you because of the way he treats you. His idea of a relationship is all about control, belittlement, ridicule, just so he can keep his tight grip on you. He does not contribute to your bond; he contaminates it. He expects you to cater to his whim because he feels a sense of entitlement. He doesn’t know what it means to respect or nurture you; nor does he understand that doing so would strengthen your relationship and increase its longevity. He will do whatever it takes to keep you under his thumb, even if it means the escalation of the abuse. He does not care how you feel, what you think, how you think; if your opinions, feelings, thoughts are not the same as his, you’re wrong. He does nothing to make you feel uplifted, important or loved.

Comparatively, he would be losing more than you would and he knows this. He would be losing a wonderful woman. You would be losing an abusive man. So when it comes down to who has more to lose…

…HE does. Not YOU.

As always, we’re here to help.


2 thoughts on “Real Value

  1. Patricia, I am so pleased to hear that you got away from that situation. Our reason for creating this blog was so that we could help more women recognize abuse, escape, rebuild their lives and empower them to avoid further such relationships.

    Thanks for commenting. 🙂


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