From a Victim’s Perspective

Please stop what you’re doing NOW. Stop screaming, intimidating, criticizing, ridiculing, threatening long enough to consider the scene before you.

What do you see?

Someone whose face reflects pain, fear, heartbreak, detachment? Does she flinch when you reach for her? Do her hands go up in defense of her body when you move your arm in a certain way?

What about the children curled up in their beds, listening to your verbal and/or physical attacks? They’re crying, too, because they’re living with a fear they can’t possibly understand. They’re willing you to stop what you’re doing.

Every single time you do this, your actions affect those in your house…and not in a good way. The woman who stands before you, afraid for her well-being, her children’s well-being, wants to believe that you really love her, but how can she when you show your “love” by hurting her? What did she do that was so terrible? What did she do that provoked your wrath enough to make her question her worth as a human being? The answer is nothing. Because there’s nothing she could ever do that justifies such a reaction. NOTHING. I don’t care if you think you’re justified because you’re wrong.

What’s that you say? She wants to end the relationship and you don’t? What’d you do? Threaten her? Deploy scare tactics so she knows her place? Use intimidation so she knows better than to leave you? So you’re telling me that she doesn’t get a say in the matter? She wants to do the right thing by moving on with her life and you respond by tightening your grip on her.

Her emotional connection to you died with your constant toxic treatment of her. She deserves someone who treats her with love, respect and accepts her for who she is. She wants someone who will support her during the tough times and uplift her so that she feels she can face anything life throws at her. If she has found such a person, you have only yourself to blame; you had your chance and you should let her go be with him without question or hassle.

You don’t get to tear her down every day, shatter her spirit, instill fear in her, assume control of her every move, lash out at her expense, blame her for your shortcomings and terrorize her because she no longer loves you. You had her love, devotion, commitment, respect once; the minute you decided to change the dynamic of your relationship with criticism, ridicule, control, a physical blow was the minute you lost the right to be her partner.

Every person who experiences such treatment has the right to walk away from a relationship the first time it happens. 

It’s a deal breaker.

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14 thoughts on “From a Victim’s Perspective

    1. Bobby,

      Thanks for your comment. I absolutely get that it happens to men, too.

      A reminder that we’re here for anyone who needs us, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, relationship status. 🙂

      Like

  1. This is such an important topic! I’m so glad you shared this. I am incredibly passionate about this issue and I wish more people spoke up about it. I especially love that you brought up the children’s reactions. It doesn’t matter what gender partner is being abused, the children experience the same emotiins and confusion.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment.

      In creating this site, I think it’s important to highlight the effects of abuse from as many perspectives as possible. I feel compelled to share what a struggle it is to overcome and that the effects of abuse don’t suddenly disappear when the abuse stops.

      People need to understand the “ripple effect” and how there’s absolutely NO WAY to tell the number and severity of “outcomes” or the number of people who may experience the residual effects of such treatment. The power of one single action is mind-boggling, to say the least.

      {Hugs}

      Like

    1. Hi Erica!

      I’m so glad you stopped by and posted a comment. I hope you’ll continue to visit. I will bookmark your blog so I can read more from you. 🙂

      Kindest Regards,
      Carol

      Like

  2. Intimate partner violence is such an important topic, and it affects a much larger number of people than most would think. You’ve written a powerful piece that will hopefully open people’s eyes.

    I run a blog link-up each month on feminist issues. I’d love for you to contribute one or several links in October, when the optional topic is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Brita!

      Thank you for dropping by and taking the time to comment.

      I would be happy to contribute as many links as you need next month. If there’s anything else I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.

      Like

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