Abuse Checklist

What follows is a detailed list of what constitutes abuse. Read through the descriptions and check off all of the ones that apply to you. Thank carefully about the incidents that have taken place in your situation. Can you think of examples of each list items? Please remember that it doesn’t matter whether you recognize one or two signs or only “a few”. It is not necessary to experience ALL of them in order to be considered a victim of abuse. EVEN IF YOUR ABUSER HAS NEVER PHYSICALLY HARMED YOU and you have experienced other aspects of abuse, it is still important that you seek help. You are NOT imagining things so please don’t dismiss what is happening to you. If you believe that any of the above statements apply to you and want some advice, please contact us.

  • I feel afraid of my partner most of the time.
  • I can’t please my partner, no matter what I do.
  • I often “go along” with whatever my partners says or wants to avoid making him angry.
  • I feel threatened or intimidated by my partner.
  • I feel isolated from my family and friends.
  • Talking to my partner about our problems never solves anything because he turns the blame on me.
  • I often wonder if I am the cause of the problems and sometimes even question my own sanity.
  • I have low self-esteem.
  • I feel depressed and withdrawn.
  • My partner is very critical of everything I say or do.
  • I feel afraid of my partner’s temper.
  • I feel stressed when I know it’s time for my partner to return home from work or an outing.
  • I have little or no privacy.
  • I feel controlled.
  • I have no access to the marital money and often go without the things I need.
  • My partner is extremely jealous and possessive.
  • My partner often tells me I’m “too sensitive” or calls me a “drama queen” when I speak up about how he hurts me.
  • My partner blames me for everything that’s wrong in our relationship.
  • I often feel that my weaknesses are exploited by my partner.
  • I am made to check in with my partner so that he knows where I am and/or what I’m doing all the time.
  • My partner often insults me but insists he’s “only joking”.
  • My partner puts me down in front of other people.
  • I feel like my partner tries to turn me against my family and friends.
  • My partner keeps our house in a messy state so that I’ll feel ashamed to invite anyone over (and also to make me feel inadequate as a housewife).
  • My partner is never happy with the gifts I give him.
  • My partner criticizes my cooking.
  • My partner keeps me sleep deprived so that I can’t function.
  • I feel “punished” when I do something my partner doesn’t agree with.
  • I have been falsely accused of having an affair.
  • I cannot work outside of the home.
  • I was forced to quit my job.
  • I am employed but I am forced to hand over my paycheck.
  • I am employed but I often miss work due to my partner’s attempts to sabotage my career.
  • My partner undermines my authority over our children.
  • My partner uses “gaslighting” techniques to make me question my sanity.
  • My partner uses veiled threats or gestures to intimidate me into behaving or staying.




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