Survivor

{Originally posted on Medium, date unknown} From years and years of unbearable emotional pain, I found a sense of inner strength and determination that I never believed I had. From that pain, I developed a new mindset that would change my whole perspective. For many years, I was married to someone whose mission was to … Continue reading Survivor

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My Post-Abuse Life, Eight Years Later

I was "born" 8 years ago. Or is that "reborn"? The day I left {that situation}, I felt as vulnerable as a newborn, thrust into a life that I had to start from scratch. I was finally in control of what happened to me but, unlike a newborn, I had to start with negative voices … Continue reading My Post-Abuse Life, Eight Years Later

Dealing with Long-Term Abuse-Related Anxiety

If you asked me to pinpoint the cause of my anxiety, I would say it had a lot to do with my father being a dysfunctional human being. Is that harsh? Absolutely. But to understand where I'm coming from, you have to understand just how toxic my father was. In my opinion, he should never have … Continue reading Dealing with Long-Term Abuse-Related Anxiety

Letter: Dear Warrior Woman

Dear Warrior Woman, First off, allow me to tell you just how stunningly beautiful you are. How do I know? Because you're a survivor. You entrusted your heart to someone who repaid you only by shattering it. Repeatedly. You learned to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on. You take care of your … Continue reading Letter: Dear Warrior Woman

Word{s} Of the Day: Verbal Abuse

My mother would emerge from the bedroom looking smartly dressed and beautifully made up, anticipating one of her many social gatherings with her friends. I always looked at her in admiration, awestruck by her beauty. My father would look her up and down and say, "You're going out in THAT?" or "Good grief, you scared me … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Verbal Abuse

Word Of the Day: Worn

I have felt emotionally exhausted for more than a decade. You know that "crash" you experience after an immensely emotional incident or event? Well, for me, the "adrenaline rush" was a constant thing. Abuse survivors live "on edge", waiting for the next incident to happen. We don't relax. We don't let our guard down. We … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Worn

Word Of the Day: Survivor

"You are a hero because you are changing the world by saying no to domestic abuse." ~ Domestic Violence Survivor "I am a survivor." When you read that, what were the thoughts that crossed your mind? What feelings did that statement elicit? Did you believe it of yourself? Did you say it with conviction? Did … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Survivor

Word{s} Of the Day: Reaching Out

If you have been following this blog for a while, you'll know that I always encourage our readers to "reach out" to trusted family members, friends or us here at Café Sanctuary. Often, reaching out is the first, most difficult step an abuse victim may take in getting help and it definitely takes a lot … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Reaching Out

Word{s} Of the Day: Special Circumstances

Today would have been our 20-year anniversary. In March 2013, my abuser suddenly passed away and I experienced a very complex "grieving" process that has been difficult to unravel. It might have been easier if my kiddos and I hadn't spent the last 5.5. years dealing with residual pain from the ongoing issues. I always try … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Special Circumstances

Word{s} Of the Day: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder {Reblogged}

For my post today, I’m reposting a piece I wrote on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in January 2015.

The only things that I would like to add to what I’ve previously written is that:

  • I’m no longer in counseling.
  • I’m now in a relationship with my high school sweetheart and he has helped me immensely when it comes to dealing with panic attacks and PTSD episodes by giving me comfort, understanding, and patience.
  • I strongly recommend that, if you suffer from PTSD/panic attacks, you do what you feel necessary to eliminate known external triggers in your life. I’m so much happier for doing this.

As always, we’re here to help. ❤

Café Sanctuary

In trying to work through some of the things I experienced in my past, I have regular sessions with a crisis counselor. Together, we plan to brainstorm ideas on how to effectively manage the stress-related symptoms that these experiences still manifest, even now.

I always knew that healing was going to be a long process and vowed to not rush myself through it just because “enough time has passed”. Yes, I want to move on from what happened to me, but recent conversations detailing my more traumatic experiences have shown me that I am still extremely affected by the memories.

When I talk about certain aspects of the abuse, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Additionally, my breathing becomes somewhat restricted and my hands feel like ice cubes. I feel “fidgety” as the anxiety takes over. Certain things still trigger flashbacks…and probably will for a long time.

Much…

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