Survivor

{Originally posted on Medium, date unknown} From years and years of unbearable emotional pain, I found a sense of inner strength and determination that I never believed I had. From that pain, I developed a new mindset that would change my whole perspective. For many years, I was married to someone whose mission was to … Continue reading Survivor

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My Post-Abuse Life, Eight Years Later

I was "born" 8 years ago. Or is that "reborn"? The day I left {that situation}, I felt as vulnerable as a newborn, thrust into a life that I had to start from scratch. I was finally in control of what happened to me but, unlike a newborn, I had to start with negative voices … Continue reading My Post-Abuse Life, Eight Years Later

Dealing with Long-Term Abuse-Related Anxiety

If you asked me to pinpoint the cause of my anxiety, I would say it had a lot to do with my father being a dysfunctional human being. Is that harsh? Absolutely. But to understand where I'm coming from, you have to understand just how toxic my father was. In my opinion, he should never have … Continue reading Dealing with Long-Term Abuse-Related Anxiety

Word Of the Day: Worn

I have felt emotionally exhausted for more than a decade. You know that "crash" you experience after an immensely emotional incident or event? Well, for me, the "adrenaline rush" was a constant thing. Abuse survivors live "on edge", waiting for the next incident to happen. We don't relax. We don't let our guard down. We … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Worn

Word{s} Of the Day: Special Circumstances

Today would have been our 20-year anniversary. In March 2013, my abuser suddenly passed away and I experienced a very complex "grieving" process that has been difficult to unravel. It might have been easier if my kiddos and I hadn't spent the last 5.5. years dealing with residual pain from the ongoing issues. I always try … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Special Circumstances

Word{s} Of the Day: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder {Reblogged}

For my post today, I’m reposting a piece I wrote on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in January 2015.

The only things that I would like to add to what I’ve previously written is that:

  • I’m no longer in counseling.
  • I’m now in a relationship with my high school sweetheart and he has helped me immensely when it comes to dealing with panic attacks and PTSD episodes by giving me comfort, understanding, and patience.
  • I strongly recommend that, if you suffer from PTSD/panic attacks, you do what you feel necessary to eliminate known external triggers in your life. I’m so much happier for doing this.

As always, we’re here to help. ❤

Café Sanctuary

In trying to work through some of the things I experienced in my past, I have regular sessions with a crisis counselor. Together, we plan to brainstorm ideas on how to effectively manage the stress-related symptoms that these experiences still manifest, even now.

I always knew that healing was going to be a long process and vowed to not rush myself through it just because “enough time has passed”. Yes, I want to move on from what happened to me, but recent conversations detailing my more traumatic experiences have shown me that I am still extremely affected by the memories.

When I talk about certain aspects of the abuse, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Additionally, my breathing becomes somewhat restricted and my hands feel like ice cubes. I feel “fidgety” as the anxiety takes over. Certain things still trigger flashbacks…and probably will for a long time.

Much…

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Word Of the Day: Dysfunction

"Refuse to inherit dysfunction. Learn new ways of living instead of repeating what you lived through." ~ Thema Davis Say the word "dysfunction" and, for most people, someone specific pops into their mind. I'm lucky ~ I can think of several people. {grin} In my family, the dysfunction was mostly on my father's side. My … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Dysfunction

Word Of the Day: Depression

ometimes, I could barely make it home from the school run before the tears started. As soon as my children were safely in school and my ex was at work, I felt able to cry freely without having to justify my tears or endure criticism. My daily emotional release within the safety of my solitude … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Depression

Word Of the Day: Anxiety

To some degree, I've had anxiety throughout my life. Growing up, I didn't understand why I felt so awkward or unsure of myself...or why those feelings continued into my adulthood. It wasn't until I understood the abuse I'd experienced that I realized what having anxiety meant and why I had it. My father was a … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Anxiety

Why You Should Never Rush Into a Post-Abuse Relationship

y life after fleeing abuse was filled with unknowns and, for me, the unknowns were daunting. It was the first time I'd ever been truly on my own. I wondered if I had the strength to do what needed doing after many years of feeling deflated, inadequate, "useless" {as he so hatefully referred to me}. … Continue reading Why You Should Never Rush Into a Post-Abuse Relationship