How To Understand the Language Of Manipulation

It's important to be aware of "foreign" sub-languages that toxic people use in dysfunctional relationships. It takes some time and experience to recognize how someone who's abusive might use statements and inflection to manipulate us. In a healthy relationship, both people understand the importance of direct communication and know how to articulate their needs. When … Continue reading How To Understand the Language Of Manipulation


Understanding the Abuser: The Depth Of Hatred

As much as I try to not dwell on what happened to me, I still very much want to understand. It's not just a personal thing; I'm trying to understand for everyone who has experienced abuse. I understand far more about abuse than I used to, but I'm still learning. Based on experience and observation, … Continue reading Understanding the Abuser: The Depth Of Hatred

Word{s} Of the Day: Verbal Abuse

My mother would emerge from the bedroom looking smartly dressed and beautifully made up, anticipating one of her many social gatherings with her friends. I always looked at her in admiration, awestruck by her beauty. My father would look her up and down and say, "You're going out in THAT?" or "Good grief, you scared me … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Verbal Abuse

Word Of the Day: Sociopath

"One of the cruelest things a person can do is to awaken someone's love without the intention of truly loving them." ~ Unknown One of the biggest lies of our relationship was that there was actually a relationship, to begin with. To hear him talk, we had a connection like no other. What I found most … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Sociopath

Word{s} Of the Day: Physical Abuse

When I was 17, my father raised his hand to me, intent on slapping me; if my mother hadn't been there to stop him, he probably would have. I had little respect for my father before that day, but that incident ruined what little respect I had left. That he even considered hitting me made … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Physical Abuse

Word{s} Of the Day: #MeToo

There's a trend right now on Twitter, #MeToo, for anyone who's experienced sexual harassment or assault to virtually hold their hand up in declaration and raise awareness about this painful epidemic in our world today. How fitting that #MeToo is trending during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month because I want to talk about the aspect … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: #MeToo

Word Of the Day: Narcissism {Reblogged Post}

For today’s “Word Of the Day” post, I’m reposting the piece I wrote on narcissism earlier this year on 28 May 2017. There’s nothing to add to what I’ve already written; to write a further article would not only be redundant but, also, emotionally draining.

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Café Sanctuary

In a retrospective look over past posts, I’m surprised I haven’t written more detailed posts about narcissistic abuse. My fiancé suggested that I might have subconsciously avoided writing about it due to the pain I suffered and he’s probably right. I’m still healing even after all this time.

There are varying degrees and types of narcissism, all of them being very difficult to deal with. I have had relationships with 2 narcissists and further experiences with several others who exhibited narcissistic behavior. As an empath, I’ve felt like an irresistible target for narcissists because of my tendency to put the needs of others ahead of my own, as explained in one of the many articles about such relationships,

Many years ago, when I met {Narcissist 1}, he immediately knew that I was in an extremely vulnerable state. I might as well have worn a neon sign, saying, “Exploit me! Exploit…

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Word Of the Day: Intimidation

My mother wasn't allowed to enjoy herself. When we were all gathered around the table, laughing and joking, my mother laughed with us...but she was constantly aware of the predictable, silent interactions between herself and my father. Even if she wasn't looking directly at him, she knew he was glaring at her, willing her to … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Intimidation

Word Of the Day: Isolation

I didn't think about the fact that I was moving 4,000 miles from my family. It never even crossed my mind that my ex would exploit the isolation. I was more focused on having a better life with the opportunity of living abroad in the country of my dreams. I think he was probably amused that … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Isolation

Word Of the Day: Gaslighting

I remember looking at him closely, on several occasions, searching for signs that he was joking about his denial...but he wasn't. His expression stayed serious and unaffected as he insisted he'd never said what I knew I'd heard him say. I didn't understand why he was repeatedly playing these mind games. One day, my daughter … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Gaslighting