Survivor

{Originally posted on Medium, date unknown} From years and years of unbearable emotional pain, I found a sense of inner strength and determination that I never believed I had. From that pain, I developed a new mindset that would change my whole perspective. For many years, I was married to someone whose mission was to … Continue reading Survivor

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My Post-Abuse Life, Eight Years Later

I was "born" 8 years ago. Or is that "reborn"? The day I left {that situation}, I felt as vulnerable as a newborn, thrust into a life that I had to start from scratch. I was finally in control of what happened to me but, unlike a newborn, I had to start with negative voices … Continue reading My Post-Abuse Life, Eight Years Later

Dealing with Long-Term Abuse-Related Anxiety

If you asked me to pinpoint the cause of my anxiety, I would say it had a lot to do with my father being a dysfunctional human being. Is that harsh? Absolutely. But to understand where I'm coming from, you have to understand just how toxic my father was. In my opinion, he should never have … Continue reading Dealing with Long-Term Abuse-Related Anxiety

How To Understand the Language Of Manipulation

It's important to be aware of "foreign" sub-languages that toxic people use in dysfunctional relationships. It takes some time and experience to recognize how someone who's abusive might use statements and inflection to manipulate us. In a healthy relationship, both people understand the importance of direct communication and know how to articulate their needs. When … Continue reading How To Understand the Language Of Manipulation

Understanding the Abuser: The Depth Of Hatred

As much as I try to not dwell on what happened to me, I still very much want to understand. It's not just a personal thing; I'm trying to understand for everyone who has experienced abuse. I understand far more about abuse than I used to, but I'm still learning. Based on experience and observation, … Continue reading Understanding the Abuser: The Depth Of Hatred

Word{s} Of the Day: Verbal Abuse

My mother would emerge from the bedroom looking smartly dressed and beautifully made up, anticipating one of her many social gatherings with her friends. I always looked at her in admiration, awestruck by her beauty. My father would look her up and down and say, "You're going out in THAT?" or "Good grief, you scared me … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Verbal Abuse

Word Of the Day: Worn

I have felt emotionally exhausted for more than a decade. You know that "crash" you experience after an immensely emotional incident or event? Well, for me, the "adrenaline rush" was a constant thing. Abuse survivors live "on edge", waiting for the next incident to happen. We don't relax. We don't let our guard down. We … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Worn

Word of the Day: Ripples

In yesterday's post, I mentioned the effects that "ripples" potentially have on an unknown amount of people over an unknown time period. For today's post, I want to illustrate the power and longevity of the ripples that were created by my grandparents just over a century ago in the early 1900's. In the mid-1920's, my … Continue reading Word of the Day: Ripples

Word Of the Day: Survivor

"You are a hero because you are changing the world by saying no to domestic abuse." ~ Domestic Violence Survivor "I am a survivor." When you read that, what were the thoughts that crossed your mind? What feelings did that statement elicit? Did you believe it of yourself? Did you say it with conviction? Did … Continue reading Word Of the Day: Survivor

Word{s} Of the Day: Reaching Out

If you have been following this blog for a while, you'll know that I always encourage our readers to "reach out" to trusted family members, friends or us here at Café Sanctuary. Often, reaching out is the first, most difficult step an abuse victim may take in getting help and it definitely takes a lot … Continue reading Word{s} Of the Day: Reaching Out